Last night I had what I like to call a Maddie anxiety attach. In a split moment I realize that it is so close to her leaving, and start freaking out and I usually end up crying really hard until I fall asleep.
Last night I had just gotten out of the shower, and was talking to my husband about my Finals week coming up, and we are also doing a 5k Next weekend when I realized that this weekend and next weekend are it. We will have no more weekends, and with my husband doing 46 hours a week he will not get to spend time with her and I wont either. So I began to cry and blubber.
As I began to fall asleep in the arms of my Eternal companion still crying as he ran his fingers through my hair I realized something.
I was being completely selfish and unfair, to myself, my husband, our family, Madison, and our Heavenly Father, for he has blessed
us with this time. He is the one who blessed us with
her presence in the first place.
So I completely stopped crying and I didn't pray, no I poured out my soul to our Father in Heaven. I completely changed tune. It
was completely remarkable. I "bucked up" (TOFW reference) after laying my burden upon his feet I immediately began to thank him.
That's right in the middle of being that upset about Maddie I thanked him.
It is not easy. No. not at all, and as I want to cry now. I wont.
No ill go and pour out my soul so our Heavenly Father can feel me with hope and love, and most of all FAITH. There will come a time in 19 days
when I will hug Maddie and I will have to let go.
I will have to say okay Heavenly Father, she is now yours.
Watch over, guide and protect her.
As I was crying something came into my mind. It was a voice that I am not familiar with and I never would have thought this, so I know the
spirit said,
"She chose you"
What a powerful statement. Just those three words.
She chose me and this life, and she can do this, just as I can. My heart was heavy but I was assured that she would be okay.
We will be okay as individuals and as a family.
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