I'm a Mom

I recently asked myself, as I looked at my messy house,

 with clothes that seem to get halfway folded and never make it to 

their designated drawers, and dishes that seem to be 

always piled in both sinks...

I signed up for this?

What does it take to be a Mom? 

Where is my instruction manual, and why on earth do I never feel good enough?

The unfortunate truth is that there is no manual.

There is no "right way". 

I wake up at 530 and get my babies up, dressed and ready, 

I proceed to pile three grumpy sleepy bodies in the car.

I double and triple check they have all they need, and because

I am so busy worried about them I tend to always forget everything I need.

Fair trade? I think so. I get out of the car every time I feel like I am

ready to put it in reverse because I forget a soccer ball that Bentley needs to hold,

or a Binky that Toot's spit out, and never forget her blankey

and as I drive out of the driveway I realize

that even though I remember to put our dog up, I completely left the front door open.

I then go to work, where my name is called a thousand more times, and fulfill the needs of my Doctor, Patients and my boss. 

At this point I probably forgot my money or my lunch, so i'll munch on what I have in my snack drawer.

I get to pick up my babies after work, which is normally around their bed time

so they tend to be grouchy and moody when I get them. I try to still ask about their day and normally

get zero reply.

This is all fine though because these days will pass and one day we will 

have amazing conversations about school and 

homework. I look forward to these days

Night time is a lot worse than waking up.

They are grouchy and each of them want about

a thousand things each.

They all need my undivided attention and being

one person seems to not be enough. 

I get them a quick dinner because, I 

am not perfect and look forward to the quiet bubble bath 

that I long for. I always put

my youngest down first. Cammy, who tends to cry a lot but I just smile and sing anyways

because I am certain (i hope) that this too will pass.

Next is Maddie, because she is upstairs with

Cammy and why not just go in order. 

Maddie always wants

a story and she tends to not care what it is about

so I secretly cut hers short because her OCD brother needs

8 books read, and I really want my bubble bath (sorry Mads)

Bentley takes about 20 mins to get down, 

being high maintenance he needs his

tickles, and read to and cuddle on.

Finally with all of the kids to bed I

look around and see my sinks full, laundry overflowing and 

an empty tub that needs me in it. 

At this point exhaustion has hit me

like a ton

of bricks. 

There comes a time when I have to tell myself...

It's okay to not be perfect.

Some nights are worse then others.

IT'S OKAY.

Parenting 101.

-no one is in the same exact situation, refrain from comparing yourself to the perfect parents. They have flaws and so do you

-these precious babies are a blessing and a gift. They will remember your cuddles and tickles more than the toys on the floor or the laundry pile. You are not perfect all of the time. Stop that. 

- Have fun. Stop being so serious all of the time. Run and jump in a puddle, act crazy, have fun with your babies they wont be this little all of the time. Be Silly. 

-Laugh. There are times when one of the kids breaks something and they know I'll be upset, and when they are scared when you find it, they have beaten themselves up enough... just hug them and get the cleaning supplies.

Make up the list as you go!

Heres a little fun photo shoot :)

"Before I formed thee in the belly, I knew Thee"...

            Most of my posts on here deal with the trials we are going through with our oldest daughter Madison, but today I am going to introduce our youngest into my blog.

 

Camryn Belle Weston <3 1/18/13

She is the baby, and we wanted her so badly :)

So that is her newborn pic, with Bentley and Madison :)

Madison came to visit me in the hospital when she was a day old and accidently passed RSV. Cammy Belle started out pretty tough. Honestly she has been pretty good nothing I couldn't handle, but always has been different then our other children. At 3 months she started having tremors, and she was put on medication, but after seeing what the medication was doing to her we quickly decided we could deal with the tremors but not her being a "zombie baby" with no emotion and she had lost her smile. Up until Sept she was doing great, no tremors or anything out of the ordinary.

She learned how to pull herself up, and the trouble began.

She would stand up, about 5 minutes later fall, and after picking her up she would look sleepy. For the first couple times I didn't think anything of it so I just put her down to bed.

Im a medical assistant so I didn't really notice much out of the ordinary and felt it was okay at the time, but then she did it at her grandma's house.

I was doing my clinicals for my degree so Grandma watched her mon-thurs. When I went to pick Cammy up her Grandma was really worried and asked if I had notice it. I told her that I just put her to bed but I would keep her awake next time. Twice she did it and snapped out of it pretty quick but I too was then worried for Cammy. I called the neurologist so suggested this was not a seizure and could not help.

One Sunday after church she did it again, but this time was different. for 25 minutes her eyes were rolling in the back of her head, she was limp no jerky movements but she was turning blue. I immediately called her Grandpa who lives pretty close and is a Physician.

As he arrived she was still in this thing ( I do not know what to call it)

She had no reflexes, no response to anything, including her pupils.

After a little while she just popped out of it, literally just rolled over and crawled away.

Monday I got a call saying she did it again and was in an ambulance on her way to the hospital.

 

                                  You can tell in her eyes something is wrong, I held her, sat in her crib and was by her side every second.

She just sad there a lot, breathing but no smiles or wanting to move.

 

 

 

 

 

We would watch Mormon.org a lot so I would put a different quote each day. Love this one!

 

Unfortunately the hospital could do nothing for us, so we were transported to the University of Iowa

We took walks and tried to stay positive!

 
 

 

We were later send home with inconclusive results, and what ever it was stopped... or so we think

 

She's growing like a weed!

 

Something extraordinary happened with this amazing baby. My 3 kids, and mother in law drove down to Dallas for a great visit with my family. My mother in law went to her brothers in Ft Worth and I went to Dallas with my mom, grandma and bubby and uncle. The second day we were there I ventured out on my own with the kids and took them to the Temple, may I say you people have a beautiful Temple. Mine is Nauvoo and I was sealed in Logan, I wish I could've done a session, but maybe next time. Before leaving my husband gave me a blessing to discern choices regarding our trip and our children. 

 

She started acting funny, again. Getting weird rashes, eyes rolling in the back of her head, but this time I was alone, my husband was not there. I could never find a second priesthood holder to bless my sick child. Within 5 minutes I decided to drive home 3 days early, and accepted we may not be able to get her a blessing, I wasn't sure if she would make it home without having to stop at a hospital, but I was going to try, I needed to get my baby home. I was in Ft Worth picking up my mother in law who was inside packing. I was freaking out in the drivers seat, so desperate for a blessing, but the temple was out of our way. Five or Ten minutes went by, I looked up and could see in the sliding glass door of a neighbor across the way. There stood a man in a suit, and I knew that it was a missionary. My heart was so full and I was in complete shock, I got out of my car and ran and looked into the door, normally I am not like this but I was so desperate, I seen the name tag and began to cry, and screamed in the door to please come out. The missionaries were just beginning a lesson. The owner came out and I begged to please see the missionaries, I told them I was a member and out of state that my daughter was so sick and needed a blessing, all while sobbing. The owner invited my daughter and I into their home and we sat down. Elder Espinoza anointed and Elder Johnson gave the most beautiful blessing I have ever heard, and in the middle he began to cry along with me. Today I finally called, Elder Johnson cannot talk on the phone because of his hearing, but I did get their emails. After the blessing I thanked them for being worthy to do such a great deed for my daughter, to me they are hero's, and sent for a reason. That appointment was no mistake. It took for me to choose all decisions correctly being lead by Heavenly Father to receive that blessing.

 

 

She can be a little stinker sometimes, but What a great testimony builder of how our Heavenly Father loves us each individually, and listens to our troubles no matter how big or small, and with his guidance we are lead to help, or to an answer. She had a fever for 4 straight weeks ranging from 101-105, and on two different antibiotics which didn't help. Went to a hospital three hours away from home, but with another blessing and much prayer she is once again better :)

 



 

"WHEN A TRAIN GOES THROUGH A TUNNEL AND IT GETS DARK, YOU DON'T THROW AWAY THE TICKET AND JUMP OFF. YOU SIT STILL AND TRUST THE ENGINEER." - CORRIE TEN BOOM